Non Violent Communication

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Nonviolent Communication (NVC), developed by Marshall Rosenberg, is a communication framework aimed at fostering understanding, empathy, and connection. It consists of four components: observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Here’s how NVC can be practiced in various relationships:
Between Friends

  1. Observations:
    • Instead of judgmental statements: “You always cancel plans.”
    • Use objective observations: “I noticed you canceled our plans the last three times we scheduled something.”
  2. Feelings:
    • Instead of blame: “You’re so inconsiderate!”
    • Express your feelings: “I feel disappointed and lonely when plans get canceled.”

  3. Needs:
    • Rather than making demands: “You need to prioritize our time together!”
    • Share your needs: “I value our time together, and I need reliability to feel connected.”

  4. Requests:
    • Instead of ultimatums: “If you keep canceling, I’m done!”
    • Make clear requests: “Can we discuss how we can make plans that work for both of us?”

Within Family:

  1. Observations:
    • Avoid blaming language: “You never help with chores.”
    • Stick to observations: “I’ve noticed I’ve been doing most of the chores lately.”

  2. Feelings:
    • Move away from accusations: “You’re lazy!”
    • Express your feelings: “I feel overwhelmed and unsupported when I handle all the chores.”

  3. Needs:
    • Instead of assigning blame: “You should be more responsible!”
    • Communicate your needs: “I need support in maintaining our home to feel a sense of balance.”

  4. Requests:
    • Avoid commands: “You must help more!”
    • Make clear requests: “Could we talk about a plan to share household responsibilities more evenly?”

Among Colleagues:

  1. Observations:
    • Steer clear of accusations: “You always ignore my emails.”
    • State observations: “I’ve noticed that my last few emails haven’t received a response.”

  2. Feelings:
    • Avoid blaming language: “You make me so frustrated!”
    • Express your feelings: “I feel frustrated and concerned when I don’t receive timely responses.”

  3. Needs:
    • Instead of making demands: “You need to prioritize my emails!”
    • Share your needs: “I value clear communication, and I need timely responses to collaborate effectively.”

  4. Requests:
    • Avoid being forceful: “You have to reply faster!”
    • Make clear requests: “Could we discuss a system or timeframe that works for both of us in terms of email communication?”

General Tips:

  • Active Listening:
    • Practice active listening to understand the other person’s observations, feelings, needs, and requests.

  • Empathy:
    • Show empathy by acknowledging the other person’s feelings and needs, even if you don’t agree with their perspective.

  • Use “I” Statements:
    • Express your own experience using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory.

  • Avoid Defensiveness:
    • Instead of defending yourself, focus on understanding the other person’s point of view.

By incorporating these principles into your communication, you create an environment where understanding and connection can flourish, whether it’s with friends, family, or colleagues.

*Watch Marshall Rosenber NVC workshop on Youtube

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